Tech-Support
Publishers Summary Foamy calls Tech Support. Script : Foamy : Yeah, Tech Support? I'm having a problem with my Smell-brand computer and need a bit of help here. This fucker's acting up like a troubled child on crack. : Mammed Udi : Hello. What seems to be the trouble? : Foamy : Well, it seems in my tinkering I went into the DOS program and it changed a 1 to a 0. Now it won't even start up. What do I do oh Guru-of-Computer-Wisdom? : Mammed Udi : Have you tried restarting your computer? : Foamy : Yes. And it doesn't restart. : Mammed Udi : Is your computer plugged in? That is very much common mistake. : Foamy : Wha-What kind of fuckin stupid question is that? Yes. It's plugged in. Don't. Jerk me around. This fuckin operating system is as unstable as Charles Manson and I. NEED. HELP. : Mammed Udi : Is your monitor on? Another mistake. : Foamy : Dumbass. It doesn't. Start. Up. : Mammed Udi : What is your operating system, the system that you are operating? : Foamy : It's one of those Whine-dows operating systems, y'know? : Mammed Udi : Very good. Do you like the ice cream? : Foamy : Wha..what? : Mammed Udi : DO YOU LIKE ICE CREAM?! : Foamy : What the? HELP ME! STOP ASKING DUMB QUESTIONS AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO!......HELLO?......HELLO!?! : Mammed Udi : I will help, yes. Here is what you do: You hold down the following keys: W...F...the number 2..the spacebar..while typing out "Ganesha is great" and tapping on the escape key for 20 minutes. : Foamy : ...*flips them off* : Mammed Udi : So how's the weather there? : Foamy : Oh geez..here we go. Fine. : Mammed Udi : It is hot here. Like a cow on fire. : Foamy : Oh yeah? Where are you, Florida or California? : Mammed Udi : I'm in India. : Foamy : India? Wait..do you mean, like, Indiana? : Mammed Udi : No, India. : Foamy : Wait a second. You're in INDIA? : Mammed Udi : I just said that! : Foamy : What the fuck?! Why am I talking to someone in India about my computer that was made in Japan and bought in America? : Mammed Udi : The Smell computer company has moved their tech support headquarters to India because it be cheaper. : Foamy : Nice, great. Well, why the fuck am I paying for first-rate tech support from a 3rd-world country? : Mammed Udi : You American bastards are only paying me $20 a week. : Foamy : $20 a week? Damn. You're getting ripped off, dude. Tech support here gets that an hour. : Mammed Udi : My god, you're all bastards! : Foamy : Hey. We're discussing my computer here. Not your slave wages. Pay attention. FOCUS. : Mammed Udi : Oh, very sorry. How is your computer today? : Foamy : Broken, jackass. Broken. Wait- Can I ask you a question? Why if I just boot the computer up through the installer disk and have it rewrite the file I messed with? : Mammed Udi : Yes, I guess you could do that. : Foamy : Oh yeah, great. You've been a big fucking help. : Mammed Udi : Thank you for using Smell Computer Tech Support. Please tell your friends. : Foamy : Damn foreign outsourcing! : Foamy : Keep the jobs in the U.S. so I can understand who I'm talking to. You fucking bastards. External Links *Illwillpress website